Hold on, hold on -- You sure you are going to tell them all?It has been left.. untold.. for such a long time...
Yes. I'm going to reveal it -- not all of it, but most of it --but it's still up to them to pick it up.
Hmmm... so.. which one are you going to start with?
Hmm.. start from recent, shall we?
It's up to you....
OK.. let's start.. I would say "I'm sorry. The joke was on purpose. I wanna see how you care about me, as I don't trust myself was being really cared about by you... I was just being unsecured, and less-confident... please forgive me.."
To who?
Why did you leave it untold?
...cuz it sounds like a looser.
Well, indeed. And that's a lousy start. What's next?
I would say "I'm not fine, not at all. I'm struggling with my past and I keep on loosing; I hate myself for being indecisive, and being a big looser in standing up for what I really want for myself....."
Sounds fuzzy.. and this is to ..?
To a bunch of good friends who witnessed how I crumbled and fell apart into fragments..
..you should just let them know how you feel -- that's good friends for.
It was untold -- cuz it sounds like a promise, and I don't want to promise something that I can't even promise myself....
Hmmm.... next.
I would say "Please help me to lock my courage and my strength and my optimistic vision that I gained every morning, let me have all of them until mid day, until night; let these hopes guide me in making the decision, and taking the ultimate move.."
OK -- now this is fuzzier and confusing.. to whom you wish to reveal this to..?
To God.
Why didn't you just tell then?
..cuz I'd never know whether he's listening...
Don't cry.
No, I'm not.
You bet. Ok go on -- what's next?
I would say "Don't worry.. Nothing will change, I promise; My love to you, my devotion to you -- all will stay the same like before.. I promise.."
To..?
My family..
Then why you'd never said it?
Cuz it's painful.
Don't cry.
Hey stupid I'm not.
Fine. Next.
..............
Ting Tong.. Anybody home?
We'd better stop here. *sign out*
*sign out*
18 comments:
my bro..for the first time..when i read ur posting..i cudnt digest...nak kena re-read again & again to understand..insyallah..
well..understand now after reading it again..no worries bro...we're here for you! always by ur side.. :)
ah wong ar...lame x bace blog ko..bosan2 kat rig ni..tibe2 teringat nk bace blog ko utk hilangkan kebosanan... ish..ko punyer post kali ni mcm deep jek... mcm ade double meaning jek..x pe everything gonna be ok... jgn serabut2 ;D
nice picture...ahaks..
erm, conpius lak bc notes aiman kali nie.. huhu.. aiman dear, apa citer sbnrnyer nih ek... should u need someone to listen without judging, just let us know, k.. ur kakak2 sntiasa ada kt sini.. : )
but, apa2 pun, really nice pic... hehe
all,
Post nih agak berat -- sy sdr pun ngaku -- if my previous post 'On my bended knees' was something really 'digging', this post is the stretch of the dig and revealing... sometime I don't even want anybody to understand it.. but I see hopes when sharing with you guys..
cam ayat2 depan cakap:
"Yes. I'm going to reveal it -- not all of it, but most of it --but it's still up to them to pick it up."
Try decode me.. hahaha!!!
aiiiyyooo nak decode pulak dahhh...ish ish ish....payah nnii..hihi..
another typical 'Those-who-knew-then-they-will-know" post...
hey anyway--- as a PERMANENT reader of your blog I found this kind of post very interesting... as u said -- decode, decode, decode .. and i think unless those who know u very well, or else they'll find this post stays MEANIGLESS, or just plain mumbling or moaning..
So shall I guess here? 1st 'would say' is for a girl, right? hahaha... or i just need to keep my answer untold?
poor poor my brother... how heavy i could see the burden on ur shoulder...
cheer up bro..
God always listen.......
COoL PIC!!! ;D
dayana
yeeeeahhhh... seploh bintang lagiiii out of 5 stars.. yehaaa
Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone
All alone
Why, oh
Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
So forever can begin
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Then something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
....panjang sgt, ko cari la sendiri yerrr....
sister Shunza, (and to Teacher Dayana and to my dearest brother Firdaus),
I don't have to clear the mysterious code now -- as u said, those who know me well, they'll understand what I'm trying to say here.. I'm sorry for this another typical 'those-who-knew-then-they-will-know' post... It's just me who dare not reveal everything in 100% transperency..
but u can read me.. and u just did.. and I'm glad my brother Firdaus managed to do that as well...
true enough.. the 1st 'I would say', is for a girl; but the whole post is not meant for her..
true enough.. the whole sad tone is about a burden on my shoulder;
true enough Teacher Dayana, God always listens.. it's just me who lost faith to him when I crumbled..
true enough Akhi Daus, I am feeling so so so so so so lonely all the time.. (thanks for the song..).. sorry I'm doing this sentimental stuff again...
true enough ... this is another RARE post that I cried when I wrote it -- not the 'Family Kat ner' and not the 'On my bended knees' -- This post, it's heart-tearingly painful.. to write out all what you really hided deep inside, and hoping someone out there to understand, but at the same time hoping nobody would eventually understand.... - -see how I struggled?
Nobody cries reading this post? Hahaha.. funny. I found it wonder. Hahaha!!
Maybe people just started to get sick with my own little drama here..
Why the hell I feel like it's stupid to talk like this here...? Why the hell am I feeling i jsut need to DELETE this post from blog space and from Facebook? Hmmmm...
*sigh*
a very.. very heavy post.. indeed...
konpius jap...urmmm....
Anon, it is heavy to me... heavy and hard. Mind leaving ur name?
Adam, tak yah konfius lah.. relak ar.. lari jer, jom!
Aiman dah giler...
"God will always be watching your back.. just continue talking and asking... God will talk back to you in its own mysterious way... but you'll figure it out..."
Even people around you will get confused with you all the time, I am just wondering about your blog frens who faithfully following your thread try to decipher every little word that you wrote... deep n confused.
You can't find the real light shining your darken path but deep inside you can find the real peace... not the peace that you had when ever you are alone in the jungle nor the one when you sit quietly by the river stream... the real true meaning of peace...
Good luck bro! you know where I'll be.
dear aiman,
Aku baca je aku rasa ko tgh nangis time tulis post ni, but i'm not sure nangis luar ke nangis dalam =p hehee...betul tak ko 'nangis'?
bro, tq.
dikazz... hmmm.. nice interpretation. :)
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