...watching an evolution like an old man and smirking at a good-bye note...

My habits of writing diary started since my secondary school.. owh well of course there were days when your teacher made 'writing dairy' as a homework over weekend, even since primary school but.. my really self-initiated 'diary days', started since, for whatever reason, form 4.

Then the habit ensued -- what changed was the way I write stuff, and the stuff that I write -- until Book #6, I guess, when 'Weblog' was introduced to my posting life.

My first post to my own blog, was titled 'One Quiet Afternoon', when I was typing it in a quiet afternoon, weekend, in my newly-joined workplace in KLCC.

Back then, my blog was simply an english-writing exercise for me. A place for me to brush up my 'Ah-Beng's-standard' english. I still kept writing my diary -- it became a place to write really deep stuff now. Deep, and secretive stuff, in my own mother tongue.

The drama went on. My blogging days started to get on track and my english was slightly improved and I could start to write 'deep' stuff in english. I started to find some sort of dominance or rather, an invasion, happened to my 'usual language' -- my diary started to be flooded by english words, in the middle of my mother-tongued chinese characters; I started to log more about my life on blog than in diary...

BUT I still managed to give a differentiator to classify which stuff to blog and what stuff to seal in my diary -- on my blog, some light toned stories hidden with deep and dark stuff, which were actually nakedly scribbled in my diary, but darker, heavier, up to the point that you don't want to read or write it further..

Try imagine this: my diary posting life, it's dark and deep and desperate -- all of the symptoms of a hopeless drug addict, full of jealousy over the shinny blog posts. Diary, when came to Book #7, started to die...

... as my posting life, officially switched to blogging.

I went crazy about posting in my blog, and alhamdulilah there were a few blog posts that received some attention from other bloggers and we started to make friends. My blog-posting life went on with more and more stylish posts, and virtual glamorous feeling kicking my head every time I received a compliments from my fellow readers.

"It's all about sharing".. I can even see me smirked at my dusty diary.

.. and with my head all overwhelmed by the power of 'sharing', I signed up Facebook.

Very well, you figured out what happened next.

While my 'typical blog posts' are normally full of suspense, hiden with quests and quizes, winding a storyline leading towards revelation of a final twist; Facebook asks a simple question "What's in your mind" and make sure the answer is under a limitation of word counts.

A clash of Gen-Blog and Gen-FB? Haha u think? I don't have the problem. I was happily actively keeping things straight-forward in posting my thoughts on Facebook, while using the power of Facebook as well, to share my long-winding blog post -- what a win-win, I think I'm a genuis.

...until one day, when I sat in front of my Mac and trying to post some thoughts on my blog, I ended up finishing my thought in only 1 sentence. ONE damn sentence. Period. 


Obviously Facebook had done something to me -- it's like there's a conspiracy going on, there's no win-win -- I'm loosing to Facebook, I mean, the blogging-me is loosing to the FB-me. Now my way of writing, of speaking, of expressing, and even of accepting thoughts, are all 'under a limitation of word coutns', so you'd better be direct!

My oh my.

My blog started to get abandoned, getting as dusty as my diary used to be. And when I tried to revive it, what happened was I ended up writing loooooong booooring stuff with zero suspense, zero quests and zero quizes, mouthful of fluffing with a big yawn at the ending.

Defeated -- And thank God Facebook becomes a phenomena and a sensation, at least the blogging-me was not defeated by any Tom, Dick and Harry. Sigh. But the feeling of seeing this 'Karma' stuff going on, I started to see what will happen to the FB-me one day soon..

...or not too soon. There comes 'Instagram'.

Haha. And now you start wondering when will I call it an end. The truth is, I don't think I will. :p

Instagram shares pictures. So you see the trend now -- pen-held writing, cut-short to typing, cut-short to mini sentence posting, now cut short to word-less sharing. Fantastic. I feel like going through a timeline, hopping from generation to generation, watching an evolution taking place.

...and if anyone of you had gone through what I ve been going through, you probably understand what I feel right now -- a clarity.

I just can't wait what will take over the 'Instagram' heat, what form of sharing and expressing can happened in future, what type of media will I be using to share stuff with my son -- I'm writing on behalf of him right now on his blog (www.isaachakimi.posterous.com) and I hope he'll take it over, and take flight from there, to continue sharing his life and his thoughts, using the media or sharing mode of their generation. . .. and Papa will meet you there.

.. and being in such a clarity mode, I'm terminating this blog, while pursuing a whole conglomerate of all these somewhere, somewhere to be announced. Thanks!

realize .. (..a sequel, perhaps..)

Once upon a time God gave me a vision of a bridge, and I perceived it as a hope for the final linkage of two lands...

.. I looked forward the bridge to come, and I whispered to myself, "I wish I could see how it built... I wish I could see how it built...." .. with tears down, I thanked for the guidance.

*************************************

Not long ago from then I looked at the bridge, I found my vision blurred...

... and I told myself, "keep your faith... the bridge is still there, InsyaAllah... " .. with tears down, I hoped it could clean the dusk from my sight...

************************************

Not far away from now I reached the river bank, and I saw no bridge..

.. I hopelessly fell on my knees and asked God what happened... with tears down, dropped into the water of the river, I saw my reflection..

I saw a bridge. The bridge.

************************************

Not so far away from now I was reluctant to accept the true message of the vision, avoiding the great responsibility that was assigned..

.. I helplessly begged God to take away the burden.. with tears down, I saw myself crumbled into bricks and pebbles, into sands and dusk...

I could never be the bridge...

************************************

Just ago my struggle broke me down and I fell on my bended knees.. ..

"There's no bridge -- you are the bridge, face it.."

... the greatest challenge, the deepest dilemma, the darkest struggle, the most heart-tearing battle, the tinniest hope.. -- face it.

.. with tears down, I pray for strength, for perseverance, for wisdom, for guidance and for a stronger faith, to face a destiny that I couldn't run away from..

***********************************

Ps..

It took me more than 2 years to realize this heavy message behind the vision I received once upon a time...

I realized now, that the moment when I received the vision of a bridge once upon a time, a task had been destined to me already;

I realized now, that when I was on my bended knees once upon a time and praying for the bridge to come, a responsibility had been added on my shoulder already;

I realized now, that when I was on my bended knees once upon a time, listening to the fear of letting my loved ones down and wishing for a strength to raise myself up, a calling had been made louder in my ears already;

I realized now, that when I was writing about a bridge once upon a time in February 2009, and posted it and titled it as 'On my bended knees', another post echoing it with my realization, had been written, somewhere in my life, already.....

The perfect wedding..

"What's the furthest distance for you?" He asked. The time was 1 minute after the silence when she announced a break-up.

"The furthest distance is when I'm sitting close to you..." She finished her drink, ".. but I'm not loving you anymore.. "

He looked at her.

*********************************

(1)

She's a famous wedding planner, but yet to have any plan of 'The Perfect Wedding' for her clients.

He's a famous wedding planner, but yet to reveal his plan of 'The Perfect Wedding' to any of his clients.

She knows she needs to have 'The Perfect Wedding' planned-out. Sir Gomez, her current biggest client gave him 2 years time to lay out the plan -- 2 years -- "sufficient enough", she smirked with a plot drafted in her mind.

++++++

(2)

They fell in love -- I mean, she made him fell for her, and when the night he kneed down with a ring and made his proposal, she knew she's almost there.

-- What's 'The Perfect Wedding' for the best wedding planner in the world? His own wedding.

That night, in front of the kneeing him, she nodded to the proposal, but smiled to the victory of her plot..

++++++

(3)

He started to plan his wedding -- the perfect wedding of him and his love. She's totally overwhelmed by the wonderful idea -- the plan of The Perfect Wedding is so gorgeous and flawless she just have to admit his status of the world's best wedding planner.

She rewrote every details of the plan to Sir Gomez in her email. "..only a heart that's deeply in love can create this perfect wedding plan..." Sir Gomez commented in his reply -- she almost can see Sir Gomez's smilling. She knew Sir Gomez was so impressed -- every words in Sir Gomez's replies carried emotions and expressions, she could feel that Sir Gomez was the happiest client on the planet, without the necessary of meeting him at all.

She smirked at Sir Gomez's comment, while thinking of the earliest date to dump his wedding planner fiance.

**********************************

He looked at her. The heartless silence conquered every drop of air in between them.

"I used to think that, " he broke the silence, "the furthest distance is when I'm standing in front of you, but you don't know how much I miss you, and how much I love you..."

She took off her engagement ring, put it on the table, "I'm sorry," stood up, grabbed her handbag, "..it's over." cold-hearted, headed towards the exit of the coffee house.

"..but in the last 2 years I realize that, " he continued, "the furthest distance exists when you know how much I miss you and how much I love you, but you just pretend to do the same, for some reasons other than love..."

She stopped. Turned around to him.

"... the perfect wedding plan is not yet complete," he looked at her, his eye filled with disappointment, "it requires a heart that is deeply in love..."

Her handbag slipped off of her hand. A hopeless weakness smeared from her feet, upward.

".. the furthest distance, " he stood up, "is even though we have been together for almost 2 years, you still don't know who am I -- that's the furthest distance -- " he walked pass her,

"-- ever..."

Inspire. Inspired. Inspiring.

A young reader of my blog, Cheer, decided to start off blogging after following my little 'lEft.nothingbehind' for quite some times. She sent me a message telling me how nervous she was.

...and I did not reply Cheer's message. I only smiled and wished her all the best, in my heart.

Another young reader of my humble blog, Zafirah, sent me a little note telling me how she was 'inspired' by the approach of me telling a story.. and hence practiced it in her SPM trial of English paper essay writing, and managed to get a 47/50 high score, equivalent to 91% for the paper. In her email, she told me how excited and how thankful she was..

....and until now I do not know how to reply her email.

Across the South China Sea, an English teacher in China, Xiaorong Li, sent me a note asking permission to use one of my blog post for her (his?) class. In the note, teacher Xiaorong Li told me she wished to let her students perceive a 'transcultural perspective' from my post...

...and I think I replied something but I forgot..

.... ...

...and now please tell me how should I react to all these feedbacks. Overwhelmed? Proud? Excited? Motivated? What?

What?

I showed the email from Ms. Zafirah to my mentors, hoping I would get some words from them but I did not. Of course they are happy for me for being good enough to inspire someone else, but that was not the feeling I was getting.

Instead, I somehow felt worried.

'To inspire' is a big word, and I don't think I'm right to carry it.

I know what's the feeling of 'getting inspired' like, and I would proudly say that there are great people around me who are truly inspiring... and listen carefully, inspirational people can be people who seems to be tiny and down-to-earth. I've seen too many so called 'great leaders' talking on the stage of 'inspiring people', but they only talk craps and cliche, and pathetic enough, while they thought they are gaining worships and admirations, they never realized they are actually making themselves an on-sale product with cheap promotions.

Seriously, when you find yourself trying too hard boosting what you are and who you are, with some old memories of track records and medals and awards, then you are loosing crowd.

..cuz a man would know well enough what's the feeling of being truly inspired.. and a man, too, should know well enough when and why they are being truly inspiring, and when and why they are not.

..because 'to inspire' is a big word -- I just think that one should at least be righteous and sincere enough to carry the noble task, achievements and glories are only the next factors that count after the integrity and modesty, no?

Ps.. Zafirah, yes you are right, it feels amazing to know I somehow helped out at the end of the day through my humble writings, but I don't think mine is able to affect people as what you've said. I'm glad I've unintentionally provided you some kind of references or perhaps an idea for you to write better, and your feedback is definitely alarming for me as I now really really have to watch out what I write and what I said. :) thanks again.

My Ruku' & Sujud..

I just realized that I always got something to say in every Ramadhan.

In 2006, I perceived Ramadhan as an endurance test, hence I wrote this;

in 2007, I celebrated Ramadhan on a Norwegian vessel, and had a thought about self-discipline, hence I wrote this;

in 2008, I came back from my Europe grand tour, with the musing from the tour I celebrated Ramadhan with a perception of faith, hence I wrote this.

In 2009, I entered Ramadhan with a new breath... and I find myself speechless.

Ramadhan doesn't feel the same anymore.

Too many things happened on me in this Ramadhan. I almost lost my hope in front of a musibah, I lost patience on my stupidity and inadequacy, I lost my temper and threw it to my dear brothers, I broke down and crumbled in front of God;

..but then, things changed. Along with my prayers, my ruku', my sujud, my re-composed belief towards Qada' and Qadar, things changed slowly in the same Ramadhan.

When I look back, this Ramadhan doesn't feel the same anymore -- when all about you before was shredded off, and all about you previously was redefined, what left behind is a naked core... the one you have nothing to hide but to face all your weaknesses, the one that will make you shamefully fallen on your knee, to ask for forgiveness from The Almighty..

This Ramadhan taught me the meaning of bertaqwa;

This Ramadhan offers me a month of self reflection, a month of inner self cleansing..

.. but it's just me being too dumb-witted, not picking up any drops of holiness of Ramadhan, but wasted, day after day, this only-one-month holy month.

When Ramadhan is approaching to its end, I find my desperation worsened -- I'm still on my way searching for the true meaning of Ramadhan, I still find myself stuck in a pressing urge when realizing my inadequacy in reciting Quran, I still failed here and there when come to bertaqwa, I still have the deep guilt-feel to think of my dosa...... -- but when Ramadhan is approaching to its end, missing any Terawih, or even a thought of missing one night of Terawih makes me feel guilty; loosing focus in my prayers makes me feel guilty; loosing grip on my Taqwa and patience makes me feel guilty; fall into the trap of desires makes me feel guilty....

Perhaps yesterday I was only a passenger walked by the door, hoping I could have a glance at what's behind it, and I thought I've learned well by peeping through the keyhole;

Today when I walked into the door of Ramadhan, my heart shivers and I'm blank baffled. There're more than what I thought I've learned, there're much heavier than what I thought I've enjoyed, and there're more sweetness than the fasting pain that I thought I've borne with..

Ramadhan doesn't feel the same anymore. My ruku' and sujud wouldn't feel the same anymore..

Sneak.

Wake up. I caught a grasp of cold air.

Where am I? My eye started searching around. Deep dark. In a cave. I could hardly move my body. I felt pain, but I couldn't moan -- my slight instinct alarmed me to not make any noise.

The boy's sleeping beside me. Peacefully. I look at him, listening to the noise made by another scouting troop. Things never turn right. Things never turn right.

I looked west. The bridge's still there.

*************************************

Wake up. I heard somebody weeping.

My body was laying on my bed. I'm still here, inside the cell. The little boy on next bunk was crying , I need to get him out of here, before the worst.

"....before sunrise.." I read the message written on my arm..

He's the precious. He's the hope. I looked out. The bridge's there, but there're guards around. I moved to him, held his little hand. I could feel him shivering, and he's weak.

"Hey boy, be strong, OK?" I whispered, ".. you're not a coward.. be strong.. everything will be fine, we'll get through this one day.. " I see him nodded.

*********************************

Wake up. I heard people cursing, and the chaos triggered by angry crowd. Realizing something had gone terribly wrong, I looked for the little boy.

..but I was too late.. the boy was captured and tied up. He was still trying hard to breath when I reached him. I saw the bruises on his body, and the stones of blame and humiliation were scattered around him.

"Wake up, buddy.." I shook his little body.

"Hey... look what I've done to this land..." he answered, slowly opened up his eye. I looked around. This land used to be a wonderful place... but it's now full of anger and despair..

"...hey..." the boy continued, ".... I'm a coward, right?" I see tears in his drained eyes.

***********************************

Wake up. I had a nightmare. In it, I lost him.

I can't afford to lose him. I need to bring him cross the bridge. There are helps there. All my brothers across the bridge will protect him, all my sisters across the bridge will give him food.

Eyeing on the bridge, I know I just need to wait for another few hours for the guards to switch shift. He's still breathing. Thank God. Outside of this cave, the scouting troops were still searching around.

I put my hand on this forehead to feel the warmth. He looks so fragile when he's sleeping, but I know he's a strong little boy. He's a gift from God -- a gift that should be guarded till death. Falling on my bended knees, I pray to God. I pray for strength and guidance, so that I can protect him better, so that I won't let him get hurt anymore; I pray for a way out, from all these chaos, from all these misunderstandings; I pray for a better tomorrow; I pray for two lands that is linked by a bridge, not separated by a bridge...

**************************************

Wake up. I caught a grasp of cold air.

Where am I? My eye started searching around. Deep dark. I'm still in the cave.

I looked west. The bridge's still there, and it's cleared. I heard Azan from the other side.

It's time. Fajr Azan is a signal for me and my brothers at the other end. They must be waiting now.

I woke up the little boy, "we gotta go now.." I put him on my back, recalling the message -- the last message left by my brothers earlier, written on my arm --

"Bring Faith back... before sunrise.."

I patted on the boy who's riding on me now, "ready?" he nodded. I turned my head and kissed him, "I'm bringing you back, Faith..."

Faith hold his arm around me tighter. We sneaked out the cave, towards the bridge.

What's your story? - My 1st Gunung Tahan XPDC.

The moment I realized that I was already missing Gunung Tahan, I secretly made a wish that I'm going to come back here, someday.

To be very frank I whispered a lot in this expedition -- I whispered during trekking, I whispered during the time when I was not singing with the troop, I whispered during the time when I woke up 4:30am in most of the morning and 'ignorantly' and 'stupidly' do things alone in the midst of the jungle..

(I apologize for being stubborn and foolish for putting myself in such a danger of moving alone in the deep darkness..)

... but.. I couldn't explain to you how it was really like that made me keep on whispering. Well if I'm not too exaggerating here, I would say it felt like somebody's listening carefully to you, looking straight into your eye and nodding his/her head when you talk...

I've never felt so close to this 'somebody' before..

Then one fine day I recalled that a big brother of mine left a comment in my blog post titled "Muted in silence", where he said,

"God will always be watching your back.. just continue talking and asking... God will talk back to you in its own mysterious way... but you'll figure it out..."

Yes, I have figured out..

Praise to God Almighty, I visited Gunung Tahan with a brand new me. When the meaning of a reborn is so significance, the trails and paths in the jungle of the mountain range somehow became symbolic, and I felt Him walk by me, all the time, in Tahan..

*******************************************************

-- The day when I was on my rushing pace -- together with Daus, Coco and Amie -- moving toward the campsite on Botak, few kms before the peak of Gunung Tahan, the scenery took my breath away;

-- The day when 18 of us heading to Kem Gedong via the winding road on the backbone of Tahan mountain range, the splendour of the view made me officially falling in love..;

-- The day when we stood on the peak of Gunung Tahan and the moment when the fog dispersed, I felt a feeling that was used to be described in a poem, somewhere..

... but -- it's not all about the magnificence of the scenery that made people enchanted and keep on coming back here regardless of the toughness and harshness of the trail, I believe..

..it's more about the story, the story that happened between oneself and the mountains.

The moment I realized that I was already missing Gunung Tahan, I secretly made a wish that I'm going to come back here, someday, just because of the story that happened to me while I was in deep inside the heart of the mountains...

..and I've told you mine, what's your story?

When tomorrow turns today..

Today I found myself pushing my body out from the mushy mud, tomorrow I'll clean myself and stand on firm ground;

Today I saw light at the end of the darkness, tomorrow I see me running towards the light, though it's tiny, but it's true.. ;

Today I was on my bended knee asking for God's forgiveness and permission, tomorrow I see me standing in front of the door, with a handful of love I received..

Today I hugged and kissed my brothers and we broke into tears of joy and love, tomorrow I see me walking with them, to the greatest journey that I'm about to embark..

Today I celebrated a rebirth, tomorrow I'll make my 1st step as a new born, carefully, and fearlessly.

When tomorrow turns today, I'll hold on my strength, and don't stop me from shedding my tears when I receive your love -- It's the tears of joy, and faith.

To my dearest, dearest brothers and sisters.. syukran.

On my bended knees

I'm on my bended knees, thanking, and praying for the bridge to come....

I wish I could see how it built, so that I could stack some bricks. Across the strait, I see my dearest brothers and sisters waving -- my dear whom they could always make me calm from fears, my dear whom they could always make me calm in tears.. 

I wish I could see how it built, so that I could prepare myself for the day to come. The Azan calls from the west bank, I'm standing east. The sun rises and my shadow is already there.

I wish I could see how it built, I wish I could see how it built; cuz I see my path laid out after the bridge, cuz I see the little town of my life lit up with every lights, across the strait.

I'm on my bended knees, thanking -- to my brothers and sisters who help me to see, to listen, to perceive, and to pray...

I'm on my bended knees, listening to the fear of letting them down, wishing for a strength to raise myself up, 

I'm on my bended knees, praying, for the bridge to come.... 

~~ to all my best friends ~~

We would never be divided.

It was ShahFarid who sent out the email warning about traveling in India. Having no idea about what's the reason behind, I just accepted his advice as I know him as an international trader who always have the first hand update about what's going on in the world.

I was certainly turned down by his email, cause we were just planning to have a backpacking trip in the colorful country.

By then later on, the cancelation of the India trip was not anymore a big turn-down for me, the real big disappointment and great sadness for me, is the failure of human acts like a human-being.

Mumbai was attcked, by stupid, short-minded, narrow-sighted, cold-blooded, ignorant, arrogant, self-isolated, retarded-minded people, called terrorists.

It's sad, it's painful, but those animals won't tear us apart. They can't segregate the unity of human being in this world, I promise.

We would never be divided.

"We citizens of India, and countries around the world, from all faiths, backgrounds and walks of life, declare with one voice that the terrorist attacks in Mumbai have not divided us, will not divide us, and that we stand together, as one people, against all violent extremists who shamefully target the innocent. We call upon all our political and religious leaders to come together at this moment, and take effective action to prevent the spread of violence."

-- I've signed the petition. I hope you will do the same by clicking here.

Because I still want to travel to India, and to the rest of the world, to see how human-spirit shines when we human-being finaly intergrate and embrace each other, regardless of all the diffrences that the so-called civilization have brought us to see.

PS.. The posters are taken from a newsletter that I received from an Indian Online Community I joined few years ago.

3 books.

There are 3 books that I really wish to share with my friends. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, Wolf Totem by Jiang-Rong, and A Thousand Splendid Suns by, again, Khaled Hosseini.

Hold on..

Disclaimer: If this post is finally published, that doesn't mean:

1. that THESE are the ONLY BOOKS that I've read so far;
2. that I'm going to open up a whole new genre of my blog content which will be introducing bookss.

OK now let's turn to 1st page 1st chapter...

1. How did/will I introduce these 3 books to my friends?

• The Kite Runner: The 1st and only book so far, that almost made me cry;
• Wolf Totem: The book that speaks out for me on how I see my backyard community. The book that explains why I'm called a maverick in my backyard. (Further reading: "Crowded, but silent..")
• A Thousand Splendid Suns: The book that further confirmed my respect to Khaled Hosseini, and further deepened my understanding to Afghanistan, and Taliban.

2. Using not more than 5 elements, introduce the story of the books, please.

• The Kite Runner: Racial discrimination. Friendship. Afghanistan. Islam.
• Wolf Totem: Gengkhis Khan vs Confucious. Wolf vs Lamb. Great Chinese vs Cowardly Chinese.
• A Thousand Splendid Suns: Afghan women. Afghan chauvinism. Despair. Hopes. Taliban.

3. How would I recommend you to read?

• The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns:

If you're an English reader, here you go. Khaled Hosseini is an Afghan, but he writes in English.
If you're a Chinese reader, go and get a translated version of the book. Translation from Taiwan is much better than of China Mainland in my opinion. The Chinese translator obviously showing her lack of thorough study in Islamic cultural when she translate 'fasting' as 'not eating non-vege'.
If you're a Malay reader, .. we just need to wait for our local translation industry to grow..

• Wolf Totem:

If you're a Chinese reader, then the original version of the book is there for you, you just have to be ready to be challenged, traditionally and self-value concern. Or else, just take it as a plain novel.
If you're an English reader, GOOD NEWS! An English version of the master-piece is (surprisingly) in the market. I found it in Times KLCC, on the 'Hot Of The Month' rack.
If you're a Malay reader, BAD NEWS.. I don't think the book is commercial enough to be translated unless it created controversy.
.......

3 books, 3 points. I think that's more than enough for me to do the publicity for the books, before I run out of point to shout.

No, I'm NOT going to say the slogan like "Jadikanlah amalan membaca budaya kita". No way. But there's a new catchy phrase which I think is cool enough to shout here:

"Lu pikiiiiiiiiiiir lah sendiri!"

Sekian terima kasih.

Mind those tiny moves: Earth Day 2008.

When so many alarming signals but yet we still don't wake up and do something for the sake of our mother nature, then we're not deaf we're not blind,but we are fools!

I call this voting poll as a 'despair poll', as I'm accepting the fact that, we human being, is so selfish and so ignorance and so malas, to do these simple tiny moves that might have eventually changed the whole crisis of our mother earth.

If you care to vote, click on your choice and then think about this simple question: "Why?"

Thank you.


Get your own Poll!

5W1H on our BIGGIE

I call it a BIGGIE. Look it up in your dictionary in case you don't know what a BIGGIE means, and this post will help you to relate what I'm about to say.

Because I have more questions to answer.

1. WHAT?
- If you're asking what's it all about or what's the big deal? click here.
- If you're asking what does it mean to me? Hey that's a stupid question I guess.
- If you're asking what is this post about? Well you just need to read on.

2. WHEN?
- At the beginning of this year I received 'the calling';
- Few days before Chinese New Year I determined;
- Mid of March I'm already in;
- August to realize.

3. WHO?
- I used to talk to FLO the ULAM panel about this as she's already there;
- Then Tuhox Hassan wanted to join. I believe we can be a good team to work the plan out because he cooks well (?)
- .... whatever it is, Hassan pulled out from the plan.
- I felt like I'm Frodo Baggins in LOTR, and when I was about to embark my journey alone, I've been joined by three knights (well I don't want to decide who's which..and you knw why..)..
- And I think this is the best team I've never expected to work this dream out..
- .. the three knights are: Fariz my big brother and his wife Shahrina, plus Amir another cool guy with 'adventure' and 'lame joker' as his middle name..

4. WHERE?
- Lets be straight up. Here's the initially planned route: Germany - Austria - Czech Republic - Italy.
- However the route had been changed to: Italy - Czech Republic - Austria - Germany. Reason? Cheaper and good timing.

5. WHY?
- Why Germany? I just couldn't resist her mysterious history of Nazi. Besides Hitler, I was so much attracted by my 2nd favourite manga: MONSTERS by Naoki Urasawa.
- Why Austria? Because Vienna. Why Vienna? No, not because of Euro 2008, but the song Vienna sang by The Fray, and also, of course, The Sound Of Music.
- Why Czech Republic? C'mon dude, never heard of Prague?
- Why Italy? Hmm... to make it a four-stops tour, boleh tak?
- Why not the rest nations of Western Europe? Because I prefer Eastern Europe. Western Europe is for ladies. (.. but I'll go too, one day, God willing..)

6. HOW?
Two words: Our way.
I mean, hey, just look at the team! It's exactly the same band of brothers (Kak Rina is definitely tougher than some of my male friends out there!) which we'll hang out together in jungles, mountains, outskirts, doing camping, rafting, hiking and all stuff like that.
So I guess it's your call to define what 'OUR WAY' here means.

Wish us luck!

...Be seen, or you're a nobody..

A quote captured my attention as I flipped through yesterday's The Star newspaper this morning:

"Be seen, or you're a nobody"

..hence it concluded all my flickers of thought for the last two days.

********************
Yesterday

Remember a blog post I wrote July last year entitled "More than meet the eyes"? The title was a quote extracted from the movie "Transformers", but the post was all about another coming-soon movie "Cloverfield"; or to be more exact, it was about marketing and promotion strategy of the movie.

I went for the movie yesterday. Cloverfield is finally released and all the puzzles they played around with in their marketing and promotion strategy, finally revealed... and the revealing might bring some complaints from some audience who felt being cheated by their publicity strategy -- well, for me, the movie was not bad, it was unique, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, they succeeded to draw your attention, and make you spent some bucks and go into the cinema.

I used to say that the publicity strategy was brilliant, and now I still have the respect for it.

********************
Still yesterday

Came out from the cinema my buddies and I hung out in the ever-grand-and-always-expensive Pavilion, and we met a group of Salsa-Jazz band performing in front of Parkson. There was no host of emcee or wh0-so-ever telling us the name of the band (if any..), but they managed to draw the attention of the crowd with their music.

I started to ponder:

1. If the Salsa-Jazz band was trying to make their name known, shouldn't they be introduced with a name?

2. Cloverfield became everybody's topic of discussion in www world without its name being introduced, so what's the matter about 'being introduced with a name'?

3. But Cloverfield used the name of J.J. Abrams to draw the attention of the world, and the brand of 'J.J. Abrams' was a major factor that worked the magic of their publicity strategy out. Do we see a symbiotic relationship where one side is taking advantage of another side here?

4. So if the Salsa-Jazz band wishes to introduce their music to the crowd, performing in *the* Pavilion is definitely brilliant as part of their publicity strategy which applies a symbiotic relationship. But will that help to make their name known as well?

********************
The day before yesterday

The board of committee of our department young professional club was having a meeting and discussing about volunteerism.

No details here but here's how I look at what we've discussed:

If the Salsa-Jazz band can be a metaphor for our club; then let's say 'sending music to everybody's heart' is our volunteer effort....

Condition 1: we can be as anonymous as we like, to reach out to those in need -- -- like the Salsa-Jazz band, only be called as a Salsa-Jazz band, no name, but still playing wonderful music, sending it to everybody's heart;

Condition 2: we attach to a big name in volunteerism, so that we can reach out to something bigger, help in a larger scale -- -- like the Salsa-Jazz band performing in Pavilion, so that their music can reach to more people -- -- talking about symbiotic relationship, but still, we remain unknown.

Condition 3: we make our name known, for something which is *potentially* bigger, in volunteering, or in something else -- -- like the Salsa-Jazz band, if they got their name becoming a brand, they'd have much more potential to achieve their mission, which is promoting their music to much larger crowd -- -- here we refer back to the case of J.J. Abrams, because of the brand attached, Cloverfield managed to introduce another genre of filming idea to a bigger crowd, onto a bigger screen. Yes, The Blair Witch Project had the same way of filming, but it never hit the big screen, remember?

********************
Today, right here right now

I'm still not clear.

Is the word 'BRANDING' a magical word that we need to brush up on? A BRAND needs to be come with true quality, or a true quality will automatically bring up a BRAND?

Are we dealing with a 'chicken or egg' question?

"Be seen, or you're nobody" or "Make yourself SOMEBODY, or you'll not be seen"?

Are we dealing again with another 'chicken or egg' question?

Docking of a dream..

Watching the live telecast of Astro from International Space Station (ISS) answered one of my trillion questions regarding living in outer-space -- YES, we can take pictures in outer-space!!!

About 9 minutes before I saw crew in ISS snapping pictures using their compact digital camera and also digital SLRs while waiting for the hatch to be opened, and let their 3 new crew members walk into ISS from Soyuz TMA-11.

One of the new members who newly departed from planet Earth, is Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor Al Masrie.

Soyuz TMA-11 and ISS docked just now, and now I believe the hatch now is the only door separated Dr Sheikh from fulfilling the dream, after blasted-off on 10.10.2007 on 21:21 hours, of living in outer-space.

(00:13hrs Malaysian time. Equalization of pressure between ISS and Soyuz TMA-11 is still going on. Hatch not yet opened.)

Back to the question regarding taking pictures under zero gravity circumstance, I believe digital camera helps. Not sure whether a camera with film can operate properly -- WHY BOTHER? you might have thought so. Just like some of my friends who don't bother to care enough of the programme, and so of them even complaint about this hundred-million-dollar project is actually a waste of money.

But -- --

(0021hrs Malaysian time. I heard a crew saying "WELCOME ON BOARD" -- the hatch has opened!)

-- --but, sorry to say, I was so hyped up on the day of blasting off, and I could feel my heart throbbing when the moment the rocket launched and blasted off from the Earth. I don't care the debate about the rationality of the Angkasawan program, I strongly believe most of us are excited about the program as I am, just because of one reason -- there's still a little kid living inside us.

What else could I say about sending a Malaysian Angkasawan to the outer-space? When I was asked about my ambition when I was 6, I drew a picture of an astronaut and pasted it on the wall in the living hall -- THIS is what I could say about sending a Malaysian Angkasawan to the outer-space.

It's about a dream of every boys, no matter how old he is, the boy is still inside his body, the "flying to the outer space" is still inside his dream.

(0033hrs. The hatch is fully opened. Dr Sheikh entered ISS.)

So to Sue and my baby sister Cheer, I don't blame you all for being cold-eyed to the program, because after all, except for Peggy Whitson and others women astronauts in history, wearing a bulky astronaut suit is something rather far away from being fashionable.

0041hrs.. "Selamat Hari Raya" from Dr Sheikh's father from Roscosmos to ISS....

When Moon River meets Li-Bai...

Li-Bai was a famous Chinese poet of Tang Dynasty who was known as Poet Immortal in China's literary history. Ask any Chinese-educated school kid to recite one of the poem from 'The Collection of 300 Poems of Tang Dynasty', they'll probably give you the ever famous 'Jing Ye Si', or 'The Thought of Silent Night', or 'Thinking in Silent Night' which was written by Li-Bai.

The meaning behind and the tranquility of the poem made it one of the favourite poem to be recited or sung during Mid-Autumn Festival, or better known as Mooncake festival or Lantern Festival, on 15th of August of Chinese calendar.

*********************************************************
I was editing the pictures of the moonlit-last night while listening to a collection of movies original soundtracks.The moon was so bright last night, and it created a strong backlight for all the objects on helideck and made their silhouette stood out strongly.

There's a photo of Affendi looking up to the moon and I finely captured his silhouette against the bright monlight. Some familiar phrases swiftly flashed in my mind sudenly but I couldn't catch them, and almost at the same time, my iTune finished up the soundtrack of A.I. 'Where Dreams Are Born', and continuing the feel of serenity, slowly, seapingly, Breakfast At Tiffany's instrumental 'Moon River' started to play through my earphone.

Moon River is always my favourite track, but I've never heard of a instrumental version of it, and I've never knew that the feeling of the song can turn into such an enhancement when the orchestra created the different layers of depth while the guitar and the flute smoothen the flow just like silk.

I switched to the next photo to edit while sinking deeper and deeper into the Moon River. It was another silhouetter of Affendi. I captured the moment he looked down and sunk in deep thought. All of the sudden, I got the phrase that was flashing in my head just now...

It was a poem. I used to sing it in differet modified versions when I was 7, just because I was so familiar with it..

*********************************************************

Affendi and I were having a relaxing chit-chat under the big bright moon and at the same time taking pictures of the moment. It kind of reminded me a tradition of Chinese community which called 'Shang-yue' (Appreciating the moon), which Chinese would do on the night of Mid-Autumn Festival.

It's actually not any special ceremony but 'Shang-yue' is a session where everybody of a family or friends gathers under the big bright moon, sipping Chinese tea, having some light snacks and moncake, and sharing the moment of being together. And..erm, yerp, that was exactly what both of us were doing, except the mooncake and Chinese tea, Affendi and I were 'Shang-ing Yue', appreciating the moon, which I never realized by that time.

I did not realize as well, for real, that that night was actualy the night of Mid-Autumn Festival.

It was like, I just knew what should I do and ask Affendi out when I saw the beautiful moonlit night upon helideck.

*************************************************************
Li-Bai's 'Jing Ye Si':

Chuang qian mingyue guang, (Before my bed, there's bright-lit moonlight,)

Yi shi di shang shuang; (So that it seems, like frost on the ground.)

Jv tou wang mingyue, (Looking up, I see the bright moon;)

Di tou si guxiang. (Looking down, I dream that I'm home.)

(I can't type Chinese characters using my Fujitsu, which is still an ironic fact for me.. Whatever it is, there's a translation I found it from http://www.sacu.org/poetry.html, and I did some alteration.)

**********************************************************

I decided to not edit the pictures anymore due to the fact that it was the feeling I wanted to capture, not a technically well-composed pictures which have perfect aperture, ISO value, shutter speed, sharpness and so on and so on.

I replayed Breakfast At Tiffany's 'Moon River' and looking at one of the picture, and in my heart, I recited Li-Bai's 'Jing Ye Si', a poem that flashing in my head with all the childhood memory associated.

All of these, the moonlight, the moonlit helideck, the 'Shang-yue' session with a friend, Li-Bai's poem, Moon River, and the Mid-Autumn Festival, all of these, they came together to me in such an instinctive way.

What if Li-Bai was standing at the bank of the Moon River when he composed 'Jing Ye Si', how would the poem turn into? Something else?

I don't think so.

Because the moon is always the same, from Tang Dynasty, to the era of Andy Williams (singer of Moon River) and the movie Breakfast At Tiffany, and to last night when I took all the pictures from a vessel in the middle of South China Sea -- the beauty of the moon never changes.

It's one thing that remain pure and commonly-shared in nowadays life. No any attempts of diffrentiation can ruin it.

**********************************************************
"Is mooncake halal?" Affendi asked, "is it gummy like dol-dol?"

I sighed, and told Affnedi, "there are halal mooncake in the market, don't worry about that, and it doesn't at all taste like dol-dol, you should try one."

See why did I sigh? Talking about attempts of differentiation. I hate when my friends are forced to be insecure about the outcome of these attempts, I hate when I sometimes unconciously fall into the trap of these attempts. I hate when someone tell me "only Muslims fast".

This world, is getting more and more opened, but it's also getting more and more compartmentalized.

Moon River meets Li-Bai? If you feel something wrong about it, please leave.

As if no options.

Affendi and I missed sahur today.

The Imsak for our time zone here is around 4:51am and It was 5:06am when I jumped out of my warm blanket. A wake-up call to Affendi's cabin did not mean anything but to wake him up for his prayer at dawn.

Blearily sitting at the edge of my bed, I was struggling amongst some options: to sleep on or to wake up, and also, to eat or not to eat.

YES, I knew I've just missed the valid time for sahur, but not the breakfast time on vessel.

The breakfast is served at 5:30am to 6:30am daily, and it's a typical western breakfast, with crispy hash browns and sunny-side-up, my favourite.

All of a sudden I had another options: To fast, or not to fast. I mean I was worrying about my day on board without any meal to kick start with, so I could choose not to fast *JUST* on this particular day ----

---- I guess I was bleary and dopey and sleepy back then, because I almost made a decision that could ruin all my effort.

YES, maybe you're right. Being a non-Muslim, fasting in Ramadhan is always optional for me. BUT what's the point if you've decided putting a 100% effort to something you believe but you still have this reservation that saying "you maybe don't have to insist too much" on the so called belief?

It's just like we've embarked on a journey, and it's definitely not my way to turn back before the journey ends. Definitely not, not even a thought.

I felt painful somewhere in my head when I suddenly realized I was so close to fall into the muddy trap of my cupidity, my senseless desire. I left my bed and took a shower. I was hungry -- my last 'meal' was peach yogurt after gym last night; the fast-breaking meal before gym was probably burned out during work-out -- but I still had an operation to monitor, I needed to see my surveyor and geophysicist to discuss about the winch failure happened last night.

I still needed to work, and THAT was not optional for me, even though with an empty stomach. Life, as well, does not possess too much options most of the time. Sometime we just need to bear with the situation that we're in, even though the situation is harsh and cruel.

I'm grateful enough to be in a situation where I have LOTS of options, but the option I eventually chose, despite the flexibility that we should have all the times, would be 'as if no option'. What would you do if there's no any other options for you? Yes, we just face it with big heart and great determination, and full patience.

To all my friends who fast during Ramadhan, happy embracing the spirit of being patience and staying focus.

Ps.. Yet, there's a little option I got to choose: I swore to put my handset few steps away from my bed next time -- because it proved, again and again, that most of the time the alarm only woke my fingers up, not myself.

More than meets the eye..

No I'm not talking bout the spectacular Transformers and I *am not* going to talk about it, although together with Die Hard 4.0, these two movies really stir up all my hypes and excitements in this holiday.

With "More than meets the eye" as my title, I'm actually talking about a movie trailer, which has heated up the internet world recently, if you're aware of. People Google it, blog about it, You-Tubed it, and even doing some researches on it, but the interesting part is, even with all those heat discussion going on and on, the main question that keep running around the table is still the basic one:

----"WHAT IS THAT?"

Here's a quote describing the trailer:
"It is from the perspective of people's camera in NYC. A huge earthquake breaks up a going away party. The people at the party go to the roof top just in time to catch lower Manhatten erupt into a ball of fire! They make their way to the street to witness the head of the statue of liberty fly down the street, end clip with screaming! Insane! "

Nobody knows what is THE TITLE of the movie and the rest of the details of the movie. The only information obtained from the trailer are: 1) it's a production of J.J.Abrams (picture) (producer of 'Lost'); 2) it's distributed by Paramount Pictures; 3) it's a disaster movie, perhaps sea-monster; 4) it will be released on 18th January, 2008.

.. and as this most-talked about mysterious movie DOESN'T YET HAVE a name, forums on www give a codename 'Cloverfield' to refer to.

So now you can try to google the keyword 'Cloverfield' and look what you'll get. I've tried, and what I got was an amazed feeling.

Talk about PUBLICITY STRATEGY, they attached the trailer to the premier of Transformers, playing it before those gigantic robots hitting the screen -- Yeah perfect timing to get the widest coverage of their publicity, what a commercial cliche! I wasn't impressed by it; and the trailer is actually scenes that captured using a home video camera, which we'll get a lot of shaking (while running) and up-side-down scenes (assuming the camera holder falls down..) -- OK, 'Blair Witch Project' debuted the idea years before, nothing impressio.

.....but... they *DO NOT* put a name for the movie, and they **DO NOT** share any copies of the trailer on www!!! and now this is impressive!!

OK fine with the 'Title-less strategy', at least the codename managed to solve the problem, but what if nobody care enough to give it a codename? How on earth people are going to look up for something which it doesn't have a name?

And the issue of the availability of the trailer on www is BIG. I mean if you want to introduce one cool stuff to everybody on earth, you gotta show this stuff to them, at least fragments of the entire; but as far as I could search, the 'copies' of the trailer on www were all sneakily recorded using camera-phone, and sometimes, you'll see this as a damn turn-down to your curiosity:

So I say this is a "More than meet the eye" publicity strategy, and if it is NOT a mistake (like the trailer was mistakenly released by Paramount Pictures or whatsoever), then this IS truly a BRILLIANT PLOT that gets everybody's appetite whetted, and the heat of the relevant topics happened on www is a vivid proof for their success, at least at this early run of their publicity campaign, but I don't think the heat will remain if Paramount Pictures doesn't come out with something more solid besides this 'mysterious aura' they had created for the untitled 'Cloverfield'.

One question. I know heating up 'gossip' or 'controversy' is already an obvious lame publicity strategy which most marketing teams are still highly relying on, then bombarding belief or trend a.k.a. chaos into the market is another marketing strategy which apparently need huge load of dollars, and now we have this another cost-saving but rather risky option of publicizing a work: boosting curiosity and creating 'UNKNOWN'. It's not new, but just not popular, because it needs other factors to support it like BIG NAMES BIG BRAND BIG ISSUE behind, and precise market psychology analysis, etc.

-- so my question is: for a product/piece of work that only practices a very very basic 'publicity marketing' which might seem to be less than nothing compare to those biggies stated above, would you still buy into it?

Well, I'm talking about my little ULAM project.

(Jom lah...)

As sincere as him... Mukhsin.

No, this is not a movie review.

...... ...... ......

I have been looking forward to Mukhsin since May 2006, and it became one of my most anticipated movies for 2007, listed together with Spider-Man 3, Transformers, The Pirates of The Caribbean 3 and Sumo-Lah.

---- a'ah.. no no. Sorry, there's no any Chinese movies listed here. So, you got problem?

Pardon me for being emotional here. I just couldn't hold myself to think of the disappointment I got when I was collecting my 5 reserved Mukhsin tickets from the miss big-eye behind the counter.

I got this reaction from her when she checked my reservation details on her pc screen:

"Mukhsin?" with raised eyebrow.

"Yes!" I answered proudly with big smile.. (she is adorably beautiful in the first place..).

"Can you repeat your booking number again?" this time with wrinkled brow, after a straight stare at me.

I followed her instruction. Booking number keyed in, same booking details reappeared: 5 tickets, seat numbers, my name, and MUKHSIN.

"... so... it's MUKHSIN..." she reconfirmed, emotionless tone, sounds professional for me though.

She printed the tixs out, I paid, she withdrew the tixs from the machine, gave the tix and the change to me, again, with straight stare, then there came the question of the year which Po'On, a friend whom I shared the question with after that, thinks I should really get frustrated right there right then..:

"WHY WATCH MALAY MOVIE?"

...... ...... ......

No, this is not a movie review, but this is a post to take my hat off to Yasmin Ahmad, the director of Mukhsin, Gubra, Sepet and Rabun; and at the same time, this post is to express my disappointment and sadness to those who don't really appreciate and see the effort as well as the message that Yasmin tried to deliver through her wonderful close-to-real-life movies.

What is so wrong for a Chinese to mingle 'TOO CLOSE' to Malays? What is so weird to have someone try to have his own life in a very 'Malaysian' way? Which is the hell damn logic those people refer to in order to claim a guy 'IS GETTING MALAY-IZED' because he is having 'ANTI-CHINISM' syndrome? Why on earth that watching and liking Yasmin Ahmad and Afdlin Shauki's films made a Chinese guy look dumb?

These things are still going on, even though we claim that we are now a model country that posses harmony in this multi-racial environment -- Man that 'harmony' you claim, is superfacial!

I'm confused. I thought I'm a MALAYSIAN, not Chinese nor Malay nor Indian.

Mukhsin of Yasmin Ahmad is another sincere plot to create awareness of the existence of Malaysian -- hey the films themselves are the product of Malaysian, and I believe they are dedicated to Malaysian -- so please don't bother about having an English-speaking character living in Malay community in the movie, and please don't bother about a chinese guy promoting the movie to his Malay friends, please don't bother about a chinese guy 'sibuk' je asking his friends out for Mukhsin or other Malay films....

...cuz he is just being sincere to his own belief, his own passion. As sincere as Yasmin Ahmad, as sincere as Mukhsin.

Thank you Kak Yasmin for allowing me to get some pictures of Mukhsin from your blog, and of course thank you for the wonderful journey of taking us back to our childhood in Mukhsin.

No, this is not a movie review, but if you insist on knowing how do I feel about Mukhsin? I would say Mukhsin is soothing, like the song sung by Kak Yam:

Mega mendung di angkasa
Hembusan bayu dingin terasa
Gerimis berderai di merata
Bagai mutiara

Rahmat di bawa bersama
Limpahannya meresap ke jiwa
Adakala bahagia terasa
Meskipun duka nestapa

... and please don't get bothered if a chinese guy keep singing this keronchong and then the downpour started.

Ps.. wanna know my answer to the QUESTION OF THE YEAR? "Because it's Yasmin Ahmad." ... and Ms Big-Eye smiled me off.

"Bye-bye baby dun be long, I worry bout u while u're gone.."

1st of all, I need to thank y'all for giving me priceless moral supports towards my normal 'abnormal' decision during the month of Ramadhan. I am still so much hyped up by the comments left in my previous post. Thank you.

This morning after Sahur with Faizal and Harris in my room, I was annoyed by some kind of worries and made me did not really manage to catch a short nap before starting another day of 9-5 lecture.

One question: If there are 12 subjects to study, which one of educational systems you prefer?
A. 1 month 1 subject, or maybe 2, focus, thourough and intensive, then exam, finish the subject, then move on to next one; or
B. All 12 subjects going on simultaneously throughout one whole year, slowly and steadily, then end of the year you will be examined on all those subjects, then finish. ..;

Which one you prefer?

Type 'B' is certainly the typical Malaysian, or maybe Asian countries' educational system, which has been adapted for many many years, regardless of its efficiency, and in fact as we all are well aware, unflexible type 'B' is boooooring and it 'carelessly' produces boooooooring students and a booooooring society. Please be notes that I said 'carelessly', means there are some wise ones wisely escaped from the trend.

While type 'A', from what I heard, is what the western countries apply. Only few subjects to focus in a duration of study, students study intensively and thoroughly on the subjects, then finish the paper, put the text book aside, move on to the next subject.

...and type 'A', is what I'm doing now in this MSc. programme since the programme is entirely transfered from France.

As an education enthusiast who had been going through Type 'B' educational system of Malaysia for more than 20 years, what I encountered now is really something fresh and exciting yet worrying. Yes no doubt, Type 'A' is fresh, much much more insightful and focus. It puts the students on a track of 'think and learn and think', but will the knowledge perceived lasts long?

I really wish to find out the answer cuz so far, my coursemates and I are the very first batch for this MSc. programme, and I believe we are also among the first few batches of 'Used-To-TypeB' students who put ourselves to try the Type 'A' effectiveness.

However, my worry is still hanging. When you're gaining something real precious like knowledges and skills (which you're sure you perceived them by heart) and there's a possibility saying that you are going to lose it anyway in the future, will you not worry like me?