As if no options.

Affendi and I missed sahur today.

The Imsak for our time zone here is around 4:51am and It was 5:06am when I jumped out of my warm blanket. A wake-up call to Affendi's cabin did not mean anything but to wake him up for his prayer at dawn.

Blearily sitting at the edge of my bed, I was struggling amongst some options: to sleep on or to wake up, and also, to eat or not to eat.

YES, I knew I've just missed the valid time for sahur, but not the breakfast time on vessel.

The breakfast is served at 5:30am to 6:30am daily, and it's a typical western breakfast, with crispy hash browns and sunny-side-up, my favourite.

All of a sudden I had another options: To fast, or not to fast. I mean I was worrying about my day on board without any meal to kick start with, so I could choose not to fast *JUST* on this particular day ----

---- I guess I was bleary and dopey and sleepy back then, because I almost made a decision that could ruin all my effort.

YES, maybe you're right. Being a non-Muslim, fasting in Ramadhan is always optional for me. BUT what's the point if you've decided putting a 100% effort to something you believe but you still have this reservation that saying "you maybe don't have to insist too much" on the so called belief?

It's just like we've embarked on a journey, and it's definitely not my way to turn back before the journey ends. Definitely not, not even a thought.

I felt painful somewhere in my head when I suddenly realized I was so close to fall into the muddy trap of my cupidity, my senseless desire. I left my bed and took a shower. I was hungry -- my last 'meal' was peach yogurt after gym last night; the fast-breaking meal before gym was probably burned out during work-out -- but I still had an operation to monitor, I needed to see my surveyor and geophysicist to discuss about the winch failure happened last night.

I still needed to work, and THAT was not optional for me, even though with an empty stomach. Life, as well, does not possess too much options most of the time. Sometime we just need to bear with the situation that we're in, even though the situation is harsh and cruel.

I'm grateful enough to be in a situation where I have LOTS of options, but the option I eventually chose, despite the flexibility that we should have all the times, would be 'as if no option'. What would you do if there's no any other options for you? Yes, we just face it with big heart and great determination, and full patience.

To all my friends who fast during Ramadhan, happy embracing the spirit of being patience and staying focus.

Ps.. Yet, there's a little option I got to choose: I swore to put my handset few steps away from my bed next time -- because it proved, again and again, that most of the time the alarm only woke my fingers up, not myself.