This is an endurance test -- I'm in.

This is not something special and new. Indeed, this is something really normal as I've practised it 4 years straight. In another word, when thing is as normal as daily teeth-brushing task, it shouldn't be mentioned in a blog like this.. but the question is, why am I starting to compose an entry about it?

1st of course 4 years back I din have a blog to talk about this normal 'abnormal' thing (?); 2nd, I've encountered too many 'why' asking about my choice and my decision and my determination and earnestness.. (yeah, I've been interviewed by a Wawa TV Station, Majalah Minda, Princess Channel and 'Jambu!' teen magazine.... and same 1st question from them: WHY?).. ..

Why? Why do I poso skali?

I oftenly smiled this question off when friends of mine seeing me fast seriously in muslim's Bulan Ramdhan. Yes I do have an untold reason, but I prefer to let it unexplained. On the other hand, I seriously wanted to capture Malaysian's mentality about a non-muslim joining a so called Islamic way of life. ..

My question is, why do most of the people tend to see things from religious and racial perspective, while lots of things in our life can be as simple as a personal choice due to some straightforward reasons regarding health, social and etc? .. orait I have to admit that there was a reason for me to start fasting in Ramadhan, but there are more reasons for me to keep this habit going on till this year, especially after realizing that self-discipline is a very valuable quality that I should brush-up on.

Doing push-up 150 times per day needs self-discipline, I'm cutting it down to 100 times every 3-4 days..; jogging weekly needs self-discipline, and so far, erm.., so good..; struggling in working environment needs self-discipline, struggling in this Master programme needs extreme level of self-discipline, ...

...achieving my dreams of owning Chevrolet OPTRA5 and Canon EOS DSLR, achieiving my family's hope on me, making my family proud of me, following all the words in Rudyard Kipling's poem "If", getting true success in life, getting dreams-come-true of traveling all around the world...

...all of these, bear the same drive for fasting throughout one whole month, need self-discipline.

So I think this is my answer to all the 'WHY's .. : WHY NOT?

Month of Ramadhan bears a lot of wonderful meanings. I am certainly not in the position to tell it, but personally I see one valuable meaning of Ramadhan: it is a month of endurance test, and I'm in.

"Go there, and make us proud.."

I was sipping mamee slrrp in my room while Taylor Hicks' DO I MAKE YOU PROUD started playing through my headphone.

"...I've never been the one to raise my hand, that was not me and now that's who I am..."

..all of a sudden, I felt like I was in the video clip of the song, describing the struggle of a young man, having mamee slrrp instead of a proper dinner, on his way pursuing his dream... (ahaks!)

..in fact, all of a sudden, I realized the change of time..

Which sparks in this universe triggered all the changes in my life and brought me here today? I always wonder.. but deep inside of me I always believe that someone out there (or up there) is monitoring me and doing all the arrangement to fit my future..

..who is that 'someone'? I think I know...

In spite of that, there are people I meet throughout my life till today, that I truely believe are part of the factors that molded me into the shape I am today. And sometimes I do relate all these people to the condition I face at one particular moment..

"... I guess I've learned, to question is to grow, that you still have faith, is all I need to know; I've learned to love, myself in spite of me, and I've learned to walk, the road that I believe..."

I still remember the words that my Big Boss Mr Effendy spoke to me right before I left my office and came here to pursue my further study. In fact till today, I dun really think that Mr Effendy agreed to let me go, but still, the words he gave was kinda injecting a warm feeling like a father's advice to his son:

"Go there, and make PRAM proud." PRAM, is my division in PETRONAS.

I knew I have another mission the moment I nodded earnestly.

... Coincidentally, there's a friend of mine who wrote the same thing to me on Yahoo Messenger when I first checked-in to the university of my Msc programme..

She said, "Study hard, make us proud.".. 'us', refers to my three wonderful friends whom I hung out with most of the time in KL.

... and there's a respectful old man who recently wrote this to me and really smeared a soft-touched feeling deep in my heart..

He wrote,"..if I could ever pick a son, one would be you.."... this old man, I call him Papa, is my coach.

... ... I know I simply have more reasons to keep faith in that 'someone' I mentioned before. As what I questioned before, "which sparks in the universe triggered all the changes in my life and brought me here today?", well maybe I can't give myself an answer, but I can stand without getting any answers for it. That 'someone' is the star in this universe that arranged all highs and lows in my life, as well as all the people I meet and I encounter with, for some particular unforseen reasons.

"...This is what we dream about, but the only question with me now, is do I make you proud? .."

The song "Do I Make You Proud" is not my favourite song, but it kinda express my concern to all the people I met, all the people I know, all the people that believe in me, and to that special 'someone' who will always answer my prayer when I look up..

Love is in the air....

If this entry is finaly aired, it will be my 1st blog entry to talk about love.. I know it's kinda weird, yes it's certainly the weirdest thing a pious rocker does on his blog, but.. let's admit this, it was the rain that got me into this mood of tenderness....

My big sister officially married to Dave yesterday; on the same day, my dearest brother Pesa officially had the 1st date with his girl; the day before it, KakLin and Zul received the most precious gift of love from God as Lin gave birth to a baby boy Ameerul Adly bin Zulhaimi; Yahya and Fiza is going to get engaged next week; plus the wonderful marriage of Penn and Tini last week and also today (..not to forget wedding of the year seeing Malaysian Diva Siti marrying Datuk K...) ...well, love is in the air...

.. I congrated my sister and Dave, I shared the excitement with Pesa, I can't wait to see and touch little Ameerul Adly, I said Alhamdulilah to Zul and Lin, I hope I can witness the engagement of Yahya and Fiza, I expressed my best blessing to Penn and Tini, and I witnessed the wedding of Siti and Datuk K through live broadcasting...

... hence I felt love, didn't I? ... ... did I?

Surprisingly I still miss the girl who shared the tenderness of raining days with me once upon a time.. I said 'surprisingly' cuz I know I am the most cold-hearted creature on this planet. She's my kind of rain, but I'm just too mucky to get her to rain on me..

..don't worry, I'll end here.