The hum of a lonely soldier..

Life is too hard to become good.. I'm too weak to become strong..

Sometime we thought we cried because we can't love,

but the fact is .. we cried because we loved;

Sometime we thought we don't deserve the despair right now because we've fought,

but the fact is .. it's the despair that made us fight, till right now..

Life's too hard to be good.. I wish I'll be tougher to stand strong..

Battle on, soldier..

-- 29 March, 2009..

D'River Cafe, River Front KB..

among one huge group of Muay Thai fighters, gather here for International Muay Thai Challenge.

less.on me -- Sg. Pisang camping trip

I splashed some water on the big-enough-to-cover-5-tents flysheet, crawled onto it and started
cleaning off the dirt. My neighbours peeped on me from their window. I know I looked stupid doing this crawling-on-a-sheet stuff under such a big sun.

I still have my buff on my head -- yup, the one I wore during my stay in the jungle of Sg Pisanarea. Just came back from the 2-day-1-night camping, a rather light 'KOMA' outing, but definitely not light in its significance.

..and it was the strong feeling that pulled me straight to this house-keeping tasks, even not a seconds of rest after I reached home from Sg. Pisang.

A kid of neighbourhood came nearby me and looked at what I was doing. He was wearing a Spider-man T-shirt, and in his hand was a 'Spidey' weapon. Yeah adik Spiderman, I know I'm occupying your playground now -- please bear with me -- and BTW, it's 3 pm, still early for play-time.

The big warm sun over my head reminded me of the storm and heavy rain pour during our stay in Sg Pisang a night before. 8 of us hided under this big fly-sheet, with our ground-sheet was all-overly wet, plus my LAFUMA tent got soaked with heavy down pour, and flooded inside.

Ground sheet is a lil bit tricky to get it cleaned. I needed a rag to wipe off the dirts. Some details needed to be taken care of. The kid was still looking at me. "Besarnyerrr.." I heard he whispered. I smirked. Yer dik, besar dan berat. It's huge, and heavy.

I just realized a shameful fact about myself for being a mountain hiker -- I've never looked seriously at the importance of fly sheet nor ground sheet, and I've never cared enough to carried these sheets up to a mountain or entered a campsite -- all until this trip to Sg. Pisang. What a shame.

..and realizing this shameful fact made me remembered some names in KOMA -- PapaJai, Fariz Angah, Zana and Amir -- They are the true backbones of KOMA, the real spines of every adventure outings, and in contrast, I'm just a playful kid who only look for fun out there.

I'm just like the kid watching me doing all the dirty works but knows nothing, except waiting eagerly for his playground to be cleared...

It's time to grow up, and to bear some responsibilities -- this message stroke me when PapaJai expressed his hope on me in the Sg. Pisang jungle. "Being the strongest doesn't mean being the fastest to reach the puncak.. A true 'Mohawk' doesn't only stay in front.."

'Mohawk', is another term for Run-Leader. He leads a troop together with Sweeper and Back-Marker. PapaJai introduced the 'drop-off' system for hiking -- the convoy system designed for bike riders originally, "a true 'Mohawk' shares his energy throughout the troop, and holds the right attitude for the troop -- you have the strength, Man, and we now need your attitude.."

Attitude.

I hope this is not too late for being a more responsible me -- responsible to my hiking hobby, responsible to my promises, responsible to my friends, and responsible to my troop.

I stood up. Smiled to the kid. The warm sunlight shone on his face, and obviously he was excited to think that I was going to clear up his playground. I smiled again -- Hey adik, I still have my LAFUMA and my sleeping bag to be washed, and I'm going to leave the sheets HERE on your play ground before it's totally dry -- and hey, your play time is 5, right?

I rubbed his head before I left him, caught a glance at his T-shirt again. Spider-man. Hmmm... I smiled.

"With great power comes great responsibility.." -- I was speechless but shook my head with smirk, cuz all of a sudden I kinda saw PapaJai standing in front of me, wearing the Spider-man T-shirt, sengih.

..and in his hand, there's a lesson to me.

back to basic..

Pathetic enough, sometime we just need assurance and reassurance from somebody else, to tell us that we are doing fine for being ourselves.

Our world crumbles and we groan and moan when people around us fail to give us any assurance. And sometime we lost faith to friendship, to family-hood, to kinship, to brotherhood, to loveship and all good things in life when we thought those who supposed to understand don't understand us.

..but hey, how well deserved are we to ask for full understanding from somebody else, and more, to receive assurance and reassurance on our own life's value?

Things hit me lately and it made me ponder. And when I started to get unsure about all I believed in, an old 'K-I-V' message from a stranger reassured me.

The message is an offer. One of my photo in Prague of Czech Rep. was chosen to be included into an online travel guide. I don't consider this as an achievement but it's an assurance to me at this point of time -- an assurance that at least help to revive my confidence, at the point of time when I'm feeling I'm the biggest looser in this world.

Feel free to got to these links to view the travel guide:
Golden Lane
www.schmap.com/prague/sights_malstrana/p=160527/i=160527_38.jpg

On iPhone/ iPod touch:
Golden Lane
www.schmap.com/?m=iphone#uid=prague&sid=sights_malstrana&p=160527& i=160527_38

Blog widget (shown on my panel):
www.schmap.com/guidewidgets/p=14355408N00/c=SJ1911811

ps.."Back to basic" is something keep on flashing in my head lately, and together with the phrase, I have a strange vision seeing each of everybody is actually a planet in this universe -- I know, weird, as the rest of my illogic visions -- and I'm not going to talk about it here. My point is, the basic of our pursuit of happiness is all about feel good about what we're doing, minus the outsider factors.

Like a planet shines because of the life's growing in it and all the buzz and fuzz happening on it -- not about how its orbit cross cut the others in the universe, not really.